Joe's right. A .22 in the hand is worth more than anything at home in the safe. Of course Mossad were ambushing people, so that is a little different. The Israelis also like to use a 10/22 to shoot "mostly peaceful protesters" in the legs. It seems to take the protest right out of them.
For me 9mm was a balancing point between the size of the hole, my ability to make the hole where I wanted it to be, and then shoot it again in the same vicinity if I had to. Everyone is going to be different there. I know a guy who is well over 6 foot, in the high 200 pounds weight, and thinks the 10mm recoil is light. My wife maxes out at .380, and I am eager to get my hands on some .32 ACP ammo and see how she likes the Colt 1903. She took to the Tokarev like a duck to water, and the pistol format is pretty similar.
The OODA loop (observe, orient, decide, act) is a description of the process the human brain goes through in order to initiate an action, and then repeats to follow up.
en.wikipedia.org
Most self defense takes place at very close ranges. Someone is not going to yell "Give me your wallet!" from 100 yards away. At close range, and I forget the exact numbers now, .380 IS effectively 9mm. It just runs out of steam sooner. And as you mention modern bullet design has come a long way, making smaller calibers more effective than ever before.